When we were born, that cord was cut. But for some time, we still depended on our mother. We were still attached to our mother as though the cord were still there. Time passed though, and we started to have our own identity. Our relationship with our mother started to have multiple dimensions. It was no longer as simple as it was before. We grew more and more separate from our mother, the distance between us growing further and further. Some of us may even think that we and our mother are nothing alike.
Despite that, the universe understands us as still a continuation of our mother, an extension of our mother. Just as a seed will grow into a plant, the fetus that was inside the womb will grow into a person. Just as the plant still has that seed inside of it, we still have our mother inside of us. We can never really separate from where we came from. And so, however it is that we feel towards our mother we feel inadvertently towards some part of ourselves. If we ignore her, it means we ignore a part of ourselves. If we hate her, it means we hate a part of ourselves. If we see her for all that she was and is, and feel compassion towards her, then we are compassionate towards ourselves. There is no other way. We are still our mother.
If we have conflicts with our mother, we can start the healing process simply by putting the intention out to the world. How we heal is only secondary to our sincere desire to heal. It is said that if we feel pain in our lives, it is likely because we are still in the habit of projecting our past. If we are impatient, needy, angry, jealous, envious etc, it is likely because we are projecting our past unmet needs. In many teachings including the fields of psychology and spirituality, it is acknowledged that a child exists within us. We may have ignored this child for a long time, but he or she is still there, wanting the same things as he or she did before.
Invite your child to spend time with you in this practice. See him or her as the five-year-old you, who simply wanted attention, to feel loved, to be valued. See this child clearly for who he or she is, someone who deserves all the care in the world. Now be the adult who will take care of this child. Next, invite your mother to spend time with you in this practice; but not the version of your mother that you fit into a role. Instead, invite the five-year-old version of your mother. She too simply wanted attention, to feel loved, to be valued. Your mother was once this child, no different from the child you once were. Now see both children-- you and your mother-- walking hand in hand, as peers, as friends, as equals in this world filled with complexities and challenges. See both children walking the same path, wanting the same happiness, seeking the same love. Your mother is also you, you are also your mother.
The idea of home is a place where we feel safe and secure and protected. Our home, we will find out when we heal the inner child, is simply here right now, right where we are, inside of us. Our home is where we let the child feel loved and worthy, where he or she need not look further. And so reconciliation is coming home to this truth, coming home to ourselves, coming home even to and especially to those parts of us that we think are broken.
May we remember the cord that connects us to our mother, how our mother is connected to her mother, and how all of our ancestors are connected to us, cord by cord, in this lineage of existence. We are never isolated. We are never alone. We are connected to all of life. This is what it means to discover inter-being.