Don’t you agree that we spend a lot of our time and energy focused on how others have treated us? We are affected by what others say about us or to us. If someone acted in a way that hurt us or undermined us or caused any disturbance in our lives, we often feel the need to react. We think they are making us unhappy. We think if only they are out of our lives or if only they would change, then my life would be okay. We can respond in healthy ways or react in unhealthy ways— the healthy being having an honest-to-goodness talk with them, trying to see things from their perspective, forgiving them and being compassionate towards them, and the unhealthy being gossiping about them, badmouthing them to other people who know them, seeking revenge, holding on to resentment etc.
My teacher Sharon Gannon suggests one other way to deal with people. And this is the path that will free us, this way is to give blessings to them. That means, we change people in the safety of our own minds, without even having to confront them or ask them to do anything. It’s like a secret prayer. As long as we do the practice, it will work. We don’t have to go around telling people out of the blue, “Hey I’m giving you blessings.” We don’t have to call our ex whom we haven’t spoken to in 5 years and say “Hey, I’m being the big person here.” We don’t have to ask for a meeting with our boss to declare “I now see you as a holy being. I am giving you my blessings.” Not only is it weird, it’s not sincere. Blessings don’t work when it’s insincere. We cannot fool the universe.
We give blessings, drawing from pure sincerity, in seeing that the people in our lives deserve love and happiness, kindness and compassion, freedom and liberation. We don’t have to declare anything to them. It can be your own secret prayer to them. In fact, it may be best that it is your own secret prayer that you keep to yourself. Want to resolve a difficult relationship with someone? Well, as Sharon-ji says, “The power is in your hands, actually it’s in your mind.” Give blessings. Include this in your daily practice. Repeat. And allow the magic to arise.